A man walked into a barbers.
Barber: How would you like your hair, sir?
Man: Short round the back.
Barber: But there’s plenty of room in here.

What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburnt penguin.

A tortoise and a hare had a race.
The tortoise won. How?
It had athlete’s foot.

1 neighbour: The price of bacon is going up.
2 neighbour: How do you know?
1 neighbour: I’ve just seen a flying pig.

What did the carpet say to the floorboards?
I’ve got you covered.